Dear hurt church members...

Dear hurt church members,

On behalf of church pastors, I wanted to ask for your forgiveness.

Every week, in churches across the world (especially the western world), people are leaving the churches they love. To be fair, it is for a number of reasons (youth and children's ministry, worship style, preaching, carpet color?), but one of those reasons is because of leadership.

October is always pastor appreciation month, but right now...you may not appreciate your pastor very much at all. I'm so sorry!

You have served in the church you love for years. Some of you helped plant that church, some of you raised your kids there, your close friends are there, you sacrificially gave to help build buildings so more people could be reached. It's not just a church for you...it has become your family, as you have labored to partner in the Gospel together.

Then, along comes a new leader...everyone is excited, there's new hope this person will help your church once again flourish, the new leader comes in with new ideas, new vision for ministry, and you don't see it...Or perhaps the leadership of your church has made some decisions you don't like.

You've tried to talk about your concerns (which may have grown to frustration by now) with the new leader or leadership, but there is disagreement at best and you sense that they don't care at worse.

Let me try to encourage you with a few thoughts...

1. Again, I am so sorry. No pastor I have ever talked to, becomes a pastor because they wanted to sabotage the amazing work you have done for so many years. You have concerns and they are probably valid, the truth is, you might even be right! Maybe their leadership style and vision is the wrong one for that community, and it just wasn't/isn't the right fit. But please know...whether it is a good fit or not, that pastor/leader most likely, out of a love for God and people felt compelled to serve the church. They are not waking up every morning thinking, "How can I cause more harm to the church!" If you have been hurt, and your heart has grown hard, may you remember this as the play-list of frustration is on repeat in your head.

2. You might be feeling like instead of you leaving the church...the church has left you. Friends, change is hard for everyone. It might not even be the change you are frustrated with, but the loss that comes with it...you feel displaced and unheard, maybe even discarded. In one church I used to pastor, I remember one sweet older gal taking me out to coffee. She was frustrated with the changes I had made in the order of service and said, "I was really frustrated with you, but then I realized, you just don't know how we do things around here." I certainly wasn't trying to be difficult or unsympathetic...we just disagreed. It's okay to disagree.

3. Pastor's are sinners too. We make mistakes, we say things we shouldn't, we make decisions that are wrong and so much more. We need to ask for forgiveness too. When people ask me, "What's the hardest thing about being a pastor?" My response is easy, "Managing people's expectations." and "Constant unsolicited advice." Sometimes we don't handle peoples expectations the best, and we've lost our ability to be patient with unsolicited advice. This is where the Gospel is lived out best...in the messiness of our disagreements and failures. "I'm sorry!", "Please forgive me", "I was wrong" are some great starting points for all of us as we work towards healing. I know right now, some of you are saying into your screen, "I'm not going to forgive that person until he/she apologizes to me first." There is much to say to this, but let me just ask a question; Aren't you so glad that God didn't wait until you apologized first, to die on the cross for your sins? #incarnation #thankyouJesus

4. I like to remind us that in Christ...there is just one church. We are all members of the same body and Christ is our head. We may gather in different locations, have different expressions and preferences...but we are one huge household family/body. (See Ephesians and Corinthians on this one!)  Jesus reminds us, that the world will know who we are by the way we love. I'm not attempting to rationalize, excuse or justify any pastor's wrong-doing. I'm simply saying...it's in the mess of relationships that the Gospel is displayed best. If there is no way you can stay at that church you love,  while that pastor/leader is there, it's okay...there's just one church. One-ness is not Same-ness.

5. Lastly, if you are a pastor/leader...if you haven't already, you will frustrate someone, or maybe even hurt them with something you've said or a decision(s) you've made. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angered, and quick to ask for forgiveness, not just for the hurt that was caused but for the hurt you caused. I know you didn't go into ministry to hurt anyone...so listen well and remember, that all ministry is temporary. Your role there is temporary. You may have some great ideas, but being right is never the goal. Christ is the only Senior Pastor that really matters. The church you are at right now will be there (God willing) long after you serve your call there. Is there at least one way you can be a better listener to those who are hurt by you? Perhaps, in that listening you'll discern that maybe you are the one who is not the right fit for that body/community. You haven't failed, but you may if you stay.

Praying for the church today, as we navigate expectations, preferences, and hurt. Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayers...

Romans 12:18 

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."