In the 20 years I've been working with youth and families, I have had countless conversations about internet pornography and it's hold on people's lives. One of the biggest problems seems to be the fact that we aren't talking about it with our kids or each other and that scares the hell out of me.
Especially as a father of four young kids, who I know are just clicks away from entering a world I pray they will never enter...but I know better. Even if in the slight chance they are able to navigate their adolescents without ever clicking on to a pornographic website (which is about the same likelihood they have of catching a fart in the wind), I know they will be exposed by the seemingly innocent pornographic pictures circulating their friends smartphones who will say, "Hey, look at this!" or by mistakenly (or purposefully) clicking on a Vines video (or any myriad of other online "harmless" sites) of said nature.
Don't believe me that it's an issue? PLEASE READ the article that I've attached to this post...my wife and I just read it and I am now praying for ways I can talk about it well with my kids. Which, drum-roll please...is perhaps a start...just having the conversation.
It's more than the idea that boys and men are merely perverted in our thought life...science is doing more each year to reveal the fact that pornography is truly the drug of the new millennium. "The Drug of the New Millennium." by Mark B. Kastleman.
PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE and then get ready to talk about it with your kids...ask questions, know what they are looking at online...until there is no more demand, the supply of pornography will continue. Perhaps in our lifetime, we can begin to take action...because pornography is NOT harmless.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2135203/Jamie-13-kissed-girl-But-hes-Sex-Offender-Register-online-porn-warped-mind-.html
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
The battle of Identity and Self Worth
I'm getting ready to go speak at a mens retreat soon and I've been thinking a lot about where we get our identity and self worth. At the retreat I'll be sharing a bit about my childhood, growing up with a dad who battled mental illness, and my own issues with finding my value (identity and self worth) in life. I came across some pictures of me growing up...
The first is the summer after my 6th grade year (I was about 180 pounds there...with the mullet) and the other of my senior year in high school at a wrestling match (I was about 165 pounds there...)...when I saw those pics I realized, when I looked in the mirror during both of those times (and truth be told...sometimes even today), I thought I was fat...both pictures and times, I still struggled with self worth, identity and ultimately worried about what others thought of me.
I guess it's especially hitting me in my attempt to raise our 4 kids to be gracious, loving, and sure of who they are...as I often catch my young daughters looking long in the mirror, or hearing of my sons adventures on the playground and who gets to play in what games, I have all sorts of questions.
What do they think of themselves...how can I help them navigate life well and do it with an assuredness of who they are? If their self worth and identity become validated only through the approval of their peers or others...Sadly, I know where that road will lead.
My greatest hope for them, is that they will find purpose, value, identity not in created things, but in their Creator. Oh, Lord...may it be so!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
ENTITLEMENT :: The Number One Killer Of the American Church
What does it mean to be a part of a local church in America today?
Let me start this by saying, I am so grateful to live in America...we have so many choices, and we have a ton of rights. Intrinsically as Americans, we understand what it means to have rights...the very fabric in the development of the US Constitution protects its people, from the government (in theory...but, that's another blog) should the government try infringe on said "rights"...the first 10 amendments of the constitution that protect us, are called (shout out to Mr. Gerst here for US history in 10th grade)...THE BILL OF RIGHTS!! In other words, as an American...you deserve things, and this "deserving things" has crept into every aspect of our way of life; (read these next several lines as a critique so my satire is not lost on you...)
You aren't happy with your family...get another one...because you deserve to be happy, life is too short. You are stressed at work...take a vacation (or a nap)...you deserve it. You aren't happy with your marriage...get a divorce, your irreconcilable differences are too difficult to work through...you deserve someone who will love you the way you need to be loved. Your house is to small...even though you can't afford it, get a bigger one...you deserve it. Your closet full of clothes are old and out of date, the 30 pair of shoes you own are so 2000 and late...get new ones, you deserve it!!
You go to the grocery store...you have options. You drive through the auto mall...you have options. You go out to dinner...you have options. You don't want to go to a gym...buy P90X and get fit in your home...you have options (enter Cross Fit sighs here!). And SADLY...these options have become more "rights"...things you think you deserve. "OMG...it is so inconvenient that we don't have a Whole Foods here." Because Trader Joe's, Top Foods, and Food Co-Ops aren't enough!!
You are American...we have rights for crying out loud...and your pursuit of happiness is what really matters...right?
And just like that...the church of America is doomed, because we take our entitled American ideals and place them on the church...grievously, our entitlement is killing the church.
What does it mean to be a part of the American Church today?
What could it look like for the churches around America to start seeing their number one priority as pursuing God...not what we think we deserve to get out of the church. What if we came to serve...not to be served (I think that's in the bible?! :D) Not only is it killing the church...our Christian "Bill of Rights" is killing our witness to the Gospel. You see the Gospel is the craziest thing ever...in fact, it's the only time as Americans we actually don't get what we deserve!!
What if we (the church) started really understanding the Gospel...I bet it would change the way we "do" church, we might actually start to "be" the church. #forgiveuslord #weknownotwhatwedo #orwedoandwejustdontcare
Monday, January 13, 2014
Gun Control, Homosexuality and Jesus...let's talk about this on the internet.
Actually, we'd most likely agree that such significant and complex matters aren't best "talked" about via the world wide web.
So instead of adding another blog about who's right and who's wrong, I thought I'd take a moment and ask for us to consider the possibility that relationships are probably the best place to have conversations about such important issues.
Before the next public figure, or entertainer says something about Gun Control, Homosexuality or Jesus that supports your side of the fence creating another internet meltdown, I thought I'd just ask; what would it look like for us to talk about these issues in person? In actual relationships?
Seems like any partisan rhetoric causes us to hate each other...right now, my Facebook feed is filled with my friends excitement over the Seahawks, birthday greetings or how funny Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were at the GG's last night, but I guarantee you, as soon as a celebrity or politician makes another public statement about any number of like matter hot-button issues, everyone will turn to homophobic, intolerant bigots, or Nazi loving gun control fanatics, or Obama-care socialists...and just like that, with the stroke of a few keys; we hate each other!
Why do we let that happen? What if we invited each other to coffee or lunch instead? Perhaps have some folks over for a cold one and some conversation so that we might navigate these issues in more helpful ways?
Full disclosure; I am a pastor and as such, I do the best I can to have a biblical world view. I know that brings up all sorts of thoughts in your head right now, but you have a world view too...and it may be that we disagree on certain issues, but I don't think you are an ignorant nitwit because you hold such a view...we are simply viewing things from a different lens.
Eugene Petersen writes about a pastors role as helping to keep people attentive to the things of God, and I try to live that out every day, but the truth is...nobody ever changes their world view because they lost an argument. I have found over the course of being involved in ministry for the past 20 years (volunteer or vocation), that through relationships, in the daily conversations of life and faith that such space creates an opportunity to hear someone's side. It certainly is not in the space of the internet that allows us to so quickly demonize each other.
So how about it...instead of posting about how amazing your ideas are in the freedom of your proclaimed enlightened autonomy, let's grab lunch!
So instead of adding another blog about who's right and who's wrong, I thought I'd take a moment and ask for us to consider the possibility that relationships are probably the best place to have conversations about such important issues.
Before the next public figure, or entertainer says something about Gun Control, Homosexuality or Jesus that supports your side of the fence creating another internet meltdown, I thought I'd just ask; what would it look like for us to talk about these issues in person? In actual relationships?
Seems like any partisan rhetoric causes us to hate each other...right now, my Facebook feed is filled with my friends excitement over the Seahawks, birthday greetings or how funny Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were at the GG's last night, but I guarantee you, as soon as a celebrity or politician makes another public statement about any number of like matter hot-button issues, everyone will turn to homophobic, intolerant bigots, or Nazi loving gun control fanatics, or Obama-care socialists...and just like that, with the stroke of a few keys; we hate each other!
Why do we let that happen? What if we invited each other to coffee or lunch instead? Perhaps have some folks over for a cold one and some conversation so that we might navigate these issues in more helpful ways?
Full disclosure; I am a pastor and as such, I do the best I can to have a biblical world view. I know that brings up all sorts of thoughts in your head right now, but you have a world view too...and it may be that we disagree on certain issues, but I don't think you are an ignorant nitwit because you hold such a view...we are simply viewing things from a different lens.
Eugene Petersen writes about a pastors role as helping to keep people attentive to the things of God, and I try to live that out every day, but the truth is...nobody ever changes their world view because they lost an argument. I have found over the course of being involved in ministry for the past 20 years (volunteer or vocation), that through relationships, in the daily conversations of life and faith that such space creates an opportunity to hear someone's side. It certainly is not in the space of the internet that allows us to so quickly demonize each other.
So how about it...instead of posting about how amazing your ideas are in the freedom of your proclaimed enlightened autonomy, let's grab lunch!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Sorry that a persons death inconvenienced your commute...First World Problems!!
Today, there was a fatal car accident just outside of the town I live in. It brought traffic southbound to a halt for hours. Tragically, a man died...others, seriously hurt. As I read some Facebook posts tonight, I was saddened to see how "inconvenienced" people were by someone's death. Are we that entitled of a people, we can't wait long enough for such a horrific event to be worked through?
That person's family will never see them again. You had to wait a couple hours to see your loved ones, and maybe you won't get as much sleep tonight...that family won't sleep tonight. Are we in that much of a hurry? What are we doing?
Tonight I got to serve dinner and give a message at the local Union Gospel Mission, afterward I drove to a local grocery store and joined some friends who were ringing bells to help raise money for the Salvation Army. The folks we served at the UGM and I'm sure many of the peeps that receive services from the SA, would have loved to sit in your warm, leather upholstered seats, listening to music while you share your vexation and disbelief.
So, I'm sorry that a human beings death brought you some inconvenience...maybe tomorrow will be a better day for you. In the meantime, perhaps this video of First World Problems will remind you of how ridiculous we've become. I hope your commute is better tomorrow...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFuLSB73ciU
That person's family will never see them again. You had to wait a couple hours to see your loved ones, and maybe you won't get as much sleep tonight...that family won't sleep tonight. Are we in that much of a hurry? What are we doing?
Tonight I got to serve dinner and give a message at the local Union Gospel Mission, afterward I drove to a local grocery store and joined some friends who were ringing bells to help raise money for the Salvation Army. The folks we served at the UGM and I'm sure many of the peeps that receive services from the SA, would have loved to sit in your warm, leather upholstered seats, listening to music while you share your vexation and disbelief.
So, I'm sorry that a human beings death brought you some inconvenience...maybe tomorrow will be a better day for you. In the meantime, perhaps this video of First World Problems will remind you of how ridiculous we've become. I hope your commute is better tomorrow...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFuLSB73ciU
Friday, December 6, 2013
Robinson Cano and the world of Mental Illness...
As a life long Seattle Mariners fan, I was excited hear the headlines this morning, "Cano and Mariners agree to $240 MILLION!!" No, this post is not about the craziness of paying someone insane amounts of money to hit a ball and round some bases...it's about providing a glimpse into the world of mental illness.
Most of my life, my dad battled mental illness (bi-polar/shizo-affective disorder...was the most recent diagnosis). I grew up visiting my dad in and out of mental hospitals and all that they entail (watching him in struggle in straight jackets, being tied to beds, receiving extreme doses of anti psychotic drugs that have the affect of making someone a living zombie...literally the walking dead). Before my dad would receive a 3-4 month stay-cay in our state mental hospital, he would go through weeks, sometimes months of manic, paranoid, delusional, and grandiose behaviors.
I couldn't help but smile today, thinking that if my dad was still alive, he would have called me and said either "Rhyan, I'm moving to Seattle...the Mariners just hired me to help coach Cano!" or "I'm moving to Houston, the Texans offered me a coaching job." (In light of this mornings Houston Texans firing of Coach Kubiak) When I was younger, it was a bit harder to navigate such delusional calls, that would often lead to frustration...but now that they don't happen anymore, perhaps the "crazy" thing is, I sure wish they did!
He used to walk into the local police department and ask for his business cards so his peeps could contact him in his "undercover detective" work. He went to a local high school one morning and announced in a class room that he was the substitute that day...the contracted teacher quickly called for help!
When I would go to the local food bank with him, pick him up in all hours of the night at the local downtown bus-stop or any given destination of his walking pleasure, he had great friendships with the local transient homeless population...they were friends. I learned more from my dad and his mental illness than I could have ever imagined...I learned that in light of HUGE state and federal budget cuts, and continued lack of local resources, folks with mental illness have fewer and fewer places to go. Families are often at a loss of what do with their loved ones who suffer from such agonizing and difficult (to say the least) mental disorders...often they lead to abandonment, and you know, while I don't agree with it, I sure understand it...the ugly side of mental illness; threats, behaviors, manipulation, and more...are sometimes a living hell.
I'm not sure why I felt compelled to write this...perhaps it's the impending two year anniversary of the sentencing hearing for the transient young man who beat my dad to death? Maybe it's the holiday season, and the memories that come with wishing my dad was still here and knowing that there are hundreds and thousands of families all over the country wondering what to do with their loved ones who are doing everything they can to estrange themselves from the very ones who care about them the most? Maybe it's my hope for a world to be more empathetic and caring for those who battle mental illness?
My dad would call me at all hours of the night, sometimes to yell, sometimes to offer a threat, and sometimes to tell me that the lucky number for the day was "3"...I don't get those calls anymore...but I sure wish I did!! Maybe this spring, I'll head up to a Mariner's game in his stead.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Top 7 things that people think are in the bible (and totally ARE!!)
What a great time in the history of humanity...the creation of the blog has been a such a gift on one hand and absolute curse on the other. I recently read a blog post titled, Top Seven Things People Think are in the Bible (That Totally Aren't) http://faithinterrupted.blogspot.com/2013/11/top-seven-things-people-think-are-in.html?spref=fb&m=1
I thought...you know, that's actually quite a simplistic view. If you want to do a word search on what's in the bible, then by all means...help your self. But, to refute some historical truths of the church because you don't find word for word proof-texts in your eisegesis, then I think you may want to be hesitant at best.
So, here is my humble, subjective response...drum-roll please, The top 7 things people think are in the bible (that totally are).
7. The So-Called "Rapture" - According to the scriptures, there actually will be a final resurrection, and we will be caught up some how?! Jesus will come again. Do we know when...no! Will there be a tribulation before he comes or after...up for debate. But indeed, there will be a Rapture or Final Resurrection (I Thessalonians 4ff). We will be "caught up" = Rapture. It's actually in the bible...crazy! I hope I'm not driving a car when it happens...
6. God Hates haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies (ie...blog posts that say things aren't in the bible that actually are), and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers (ie...blog posts that refute other blog posts, I'm repenting as I type)....God's a hater, according to the bible. (Proverbs 6:16ff)
5. Everything happens for a reason because God uses all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his PURPOSE (Paul wrote that...not Rhyan) My dad was murdered 2 years ago...beaten to death by a young transient, who is serving 20 years in the WA state prison system for Murder 2. I don't know God's purpose or REASON for this, but I do know I actually got to live my faith out for the first time in my life in a real way. When I was tucking my kids in the several nights after my dad was stomped in the head repeatedly and left for dead, I said to them, "THIS is where we live our faith our...where we actually love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us." God's purposes...reasons, are not mine to decide, but I sure know this side of it all, I am more empathetic than I've ever been before, I understand the Gospel better than I've ever understood it before...maybe there is a reason for everything?!
4. God is in control...this is called, the Doctrine of Providence, tons of theological peeps have written on this topic (Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, Luther, Calvin, Hodge, Barth and many more...) it's the idea above all that God sustains, redeems, creates, etc...all things (John 1, Hebrews 1, Colossians 1, Nehemiah 9, Ephesians 4) to name a few places that speak of God being in control...it's there, boom!
3. We must accept Jesus into our heart as our personal Lord and Savior because the scripture talk about the idea of confessing Jesus is Lord and when we do and believe it in our hearts then we will be saved...Lord and Savior. Paul went on more to say this crazy thing that Jesus would actually dwell in your hearts through faith, but wait...THERE'S MORE!! Jesus said some how in the mystery of this all that the Holy Spirit would be with us and be in us, AND that those who love Jesus, the father and son will come and dwell ("Make our home!") in them...it's the greatest gift of the Gospel...the mystery as Paul says, "Christ in you!"...maybe that's ambiguous, sorry, I'm Presbyterian!
2 Jesus died for our sins...this is called the Doctrine of Atonement (specifically substitutionary atonement)...there's a few years of history behind this one, you could prob get a pretty quick and insightful list of scriptures by simply doing a google search on "Atonement of Christ". Perhaps the biggest scripture that we refer to on this comes from Romans 3 and 5...it's the whole idea of the wages of sin being death but the gift of God being eternal life in Christ, that crazy notion that we were sinners, but Christ died for us (for our sins presumably) because when we were his enemies we were reconciled by the DEATH of his Son...some how, the bible talks a bit about Jesus dying for our sins, there's this one verse that actually says, For Christ died for sins...(I Peter 3:18). You remember that one time you said, "Show me where it says that!" #justdid
1. God helps those who help themselves...you know what, I'll give you this one...I'll actually take this moment to respond to the idea that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Some of the blogs I've read, one especially around millennials and the church, argued the idea that God doesn't give us more than we can handle isn't actually in the bible to which I say...actually, the concept comes from Paul's assurance to the peeps in Corinth that "God...will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." I'll give you it's not word for word, but the principal remains...
For what it's worth... #:D
I thought...you know, that's actually quite a simplistic view. If you want to do a word search on what's in the bible, then by all means...help your self. But, to refute some historical truths of the church because you don't find word for word proof-texts in your eisegesis, then I think you may want to be hesitant at best.
So, here is my humble, subjective response...drum-roll please, The top 7 things people think are in the bible (that totally are).
7. The So-Called "Rapture" - According to the scriptures, there actually will be a final resurrection, and we will be caught up some how?! Jesus will come again. Do we know when...no! Will there be a tribulation before he comes or after...up for debate. But indeed, there will be a Rapture or Final Resurrection (I Thessalonians 4ff). We will be "caught up" = Rapture. It's actually in the bible...crazy! I hope I'm not driving a car when it happens...
6. God Hates haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies (ie...blog posts that say things aren't in the bible that actually are), and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers (ie...blog posts that refute other blog posts, I'm repenting as I type)....God's a hater, according to the bible. (Proverbs 6:16ff)
5. Everything happens for a reason because God uses all things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his PURPOSE (Paul wrote that...not Rhyan) My dad was murdered 2 years ago...beaten to death by a young transient, who is serving 20 years in the WA state prison system for Murder 2. I don't know God's purpose or REASON for this, but I do know I actually got to live my faith out for the first time in my life in a real way. When I was tucking my kids in the several nights after my dad was stomped in the head repeatedly and left for dead, I said to them, "THIS is where we live our faith our...where we actually love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us." God's purposes...reasons, are not mine to decide, but I sure know this side of it all, I am more empathetic than I've ever been before, I understand the Gospel better than I've ever understood it before...maybe there is a reason for everything?!
4. God is in control...this is called, the Doctrine of Providence, tons of theological peeps have written on this topic (Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, Luther, Calvin, Hodge, Barth and many more...) it's the idea above all that God sustains, redeems, creates, etc...all things (John 1, Hebrews 1, Colossians 1, Nehemiah 9, Ephesians 4) to name a few places that speak of God being in control...it's there, boom!
3. We must accept Jesus into our heart as our personal Lord and Savior because the scripture talk about the idea of confessing Jesus is Lord and when we do and believe it in our hearts then we will be saved...Lord and Savior. Paul went on more to say this crazy thing that Jesus would actually dwell in your hearts through faith, but wait...THERE'S MORE!! Jesus said some how in the mystery of this all that the Holy Spirit would be with us and be in us, AND that those who love Jesus, the father and son will come and dwell ("Make our home!") in them...it's the greatest gift of the Gospel...the mystery as Paul says, "Christ in you!"...maybe that's ambiguous, sorry, I'm Presbyterian!
2 Jesus died for our sins...this is called the Doctrine of Atonement (specifically substitutionary atonement)...there's a few years of history behind this one, you could prob get a pretty quick and insightful list of scriptures by simply doing a google search on "Atonement of Christ". Perhaps the biggest scripture that we refer to on this comes from Romans 3 and 5...it's the whole idea of the wages of sin being death but the gift of God being eternal life in Christ, that crazy notion that we were sinners, but Christ died for us (for our sins presumably) because when we were his enemies we were reconciled by the DEATH of his Son...some how, the bible talks a bit about Jesus dying for our sins, there's this one verse that actually says, For Christ died for sins...(I Peter 3:18). You remember that one time you said, "Show me where it says that!" #justdid
1. God helps those who help themselves...you know what, I'll give you this one...I'll actually take this moment to respond to the idea that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Some of the blogs I've read, one especially around millennials and the church, argued the idea that God doesn't give us more than we can handle isn't actually in the bible to which I say...actually, the concept comes from Paul's assurance to the peeps in Corinth that "God...will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." I'll give you it's not word for word, but the principal remains...
For what it's worth... #:D
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